Today I thought I’d write about … damn it, I just lost that thought I thought I had.  Have you ever wondered why … hey what about what’s going in Syria?  Assad is such a … don’t you just love Headline News?  Did you read about the girl who stabbed her mother 79 times?  Neither did I.  Why bother?  I have problems even counting to 79.  I get bored at 62 or 63 on sunny days.  Will it be sunny today, Al?  That murdering teenager sure has great focus.  I find that admirable.  Why are headlines so great?  To get to other side, of course!  Knock knock jokes are the next best thing.  Only two lines to remember.

How about them Browns?

Why don’t TV shows have 44 minutes of commercials and 16 minutes of show?  Isn’t 30 seconds perfect for a story?  We could pack 88 stories into an hour.  We’d only remember the best, but that would be okay.  I have 300 TV channels.  Nope.  301 … 302 … 303 … 302.  The rodeo channel is gone.  I loved it.  Each ride only lasted seven seconds.  Isn’t the preview channel awesome?  It’s almost like watching commercials.

100 likes, a reposted picture. Anything familiar takes less time.

50 likes, a new picture.

30 likes, the headline.

10 likes, the full story.

1 like.  Anything more.

Will it be sunny on FB today, Al?  Never mind. I’ll look out my Windows.

Seriously, I wanted to say … never mind, it’s not important any more.  It was important 2 minutes ago, but that was then.  This is now.

Ariel Castro is dead.  Hooray!  Remind me what that bastard did?  It had to do with Cuba, right?  I heard about it on Jaywalking.  I get my news there.  It’s quicker than reading headlines.  Stewart’s good too, but he takes too long.  Those poor girls.  What were their names again?  How many kidnappings have flashed by the headlines since then?  Flash, there goes another.  Bang.  Another school shooting. It’s hard to keep up.

How about them Browns?

Peyton who?

Will it be sunny today, Al?

Castro should have spent 1000 years in prison.  How many commercials long is that?  I think we’re turning into dogs.  Each moment seems like seven.  Shorter is always better.

If you have something important to say, say it quickly, lest you forget.  Say it quickly, before your listeners tune in elsewhere.

Why does the Today show repeat the weather every 10 minutes?  In case we forget what Al had to say.  Why is Twitter limited to 140 characters?  Because 180 is too many.  Why do we have ticker tapes on TV?  So words can just scroll away.

Why read a book when you can watch the movie?

Why watch a movie when you can view the trailer?

Why view the trailer when you can read the synopsis on IMDB?

Will the Tribe make the playoffs?  Is it basketball season yet?  Don’t 20 second NBA timeouts make the full timeouts feel excruciatingly long?

I thought I had something important to say, but never mind.  Here’s a free minute, it’s on me.  Don’t spend it all in one place.

Will it be sunny today, Al?

How about them Browns?

Till the next post, chris